In the last week, how many times have you been in a position where you could or should have given some feedback? It could have been seeing a lesson that wasn’t quite following the behaviour policy of the school, a deadline missed for the second time by someone you line manage, or a report from someone that another staff member’s language in the staffroom doesn’t align with the school’s values.
Once this is known to you, your next step is to decide what to do. How do I find out more? Is this the truth? How do I manage the conversation to get the right outcome?
Rather than a 1:1 conversation, this situation might have been in a team meeting, during a discussion where you hold an idea or some evidence that may be an important truth for the group to consider.
This is not a blog about Radical Candor!
If you’ve been on a leadership course, it’s likely that you’ve come across Kim Scott’s Radical Candor, a framework that helps us to give feedback and be honest with those we lead or work with. The aim is to be radically candid, which involves showing that we care personally while challenging directly.
This sweet spot, Scott argues, means that you can both give useful and productive feedback to someone, while maintaining a positive relationship with them where they feel purposefully challenged but not threatened.
It sounds easy in theory, because we want to help people to grow, and for our schools to improve. But the manner in which we lead this feedback is vital to how the message is heard, perceived, and acted upon.
Scott suggests that there are 4 ways we give feedback, but typically we become either ‘obnoxiously aggressive’, meaning that we give blunt, direct, perhaps rude feedback under the guise of ‘just trying to help you grow’, or that we collude with others by using ‘ruinous empathy’, which means we are so conscious of the interpersonal dynamic that we sugarcoat the feedback to the point that it has no impact.
I enjoyed Radical Candor, but am, in general, not a huge fan of frameworks, quadrants, models, etc etc. But recently I read this quote by Pope Francis that made me stop in my tracks and think about how I lead and help others to grow:
“Truth is like a precious stone. Offer it in your hand, and it draws others to you; hurl it at someone, and it causes injury.”
Pope Francis
I want you to take a minute and think about your role at school. Perhaps a challenge you are working on. Some improvements you are trying to make. Some feedback you need to give. Dwell on these words for a minute and consider: how do I offer truth usually? Do I hold it in my hand, or hurl it at others?
While Francis was talking about the Catholic faith, my thoughts turned to school leadership:
- What truths do we have to offer or share with our staff?
- How do we approach sharing these truths?
- What brings the most out of people?
What does the precious stone actually mean?
When the stone is held in the hand and offered to others, it draws them in. They are curious, keen to see the value of what you are holding. The beauty of the stone. The potential of what it could mean is enough for people to approach and behold.
So, then, it is not the stone alone that is of note to others, but the way you offer it in your hand. Inviting participation.
The quote then turns to the potential impact of the stone if it is not held, but hurled. The same gem can now cause harm instead of wonder.
What has changed is not the stone itself, but the way it is handled.
As a leader, my core remit is to help others to grow. I may have a list of tasks under my name in the staff handbook, but those tasks are secondary to the way I lead and grow others. My job is to support them, coach them, model good practice in front of them, and to challenge them to be the best they can be, and to do the best possible job for the children in our schools.
I think most leaders would agree we need to do all of those things. But why do some leaders get more out of people than others?
It could be that the ‘truth’ they are working from is inaccurate. Perhaps limited data, cognitive bias, or leaping to conclusions has clouded the accuracy. But let’s say they are operating from a position of clear, objective truth – why do things still go awry?
How we offer or hurl the precious stone
In simple terms, the aim of feedback or ‘truth’ is that we try to shine a light on something that can be improved, in such a way that the other party, or the team, both understands it, but feels able, motivated and supported to make any adjustments needed to move forward.
Hurling the stone is easy to do when we are busy, tired, or impatient for results. It’s when we blaze in with all the answers, react too quickly to inaccurate or two-dimensional evidence, or forget to add the support with the targets.
| Hurling the stone | Holding the stone |
| Data or evidence delivered as judgement | Listen and understand, ask questions |
| Criticism without context | Truth is shared – let’s understand it together |
| Lack of dialogue or questions to understand | Feedback and support are connected – you walk with them |
| Generalising and lacking in specific evidence | No judgement just curiosity |
| Demands improvement without support | Truth should be specific and not vague. Clarity is king. |
| Targets set with blame and fear | Set specific, achievable, but ambitious goals together |
Hardworking and well-intentioned staff want to do a brilliant job, so giving them feedback needs to be a careful exercise. And it doesn’t have to be about giving someone feedback; holding or hurling the precious stone can be done in any aspect of our leadership.
The starting point is inviting people to join you on that journey. Improvement is a team effort and your staff need to know that they are part of the process.
But the key ingredients are always clarity, empathy, and genuine investment in supporting staff with the next steps.
That’s how you hold the precious stone in your hand and attract them towards the solutions with you.
The clarity comes in the form of the clear, tangible evidence or feedback you are giving. The truth, or facts, are objective and convey something that requires a shift.
The empathy takes the form of listening, understanding, and being present to the needs of all involved, from staff to students.
The investment is how you will walk alongside others. If you are a line manager, the words happen in the meeting. The investment is every day after that when you pop in, ask questions, support, and ensure they have what they need to be successful.
So what am I actually trying to say in this blog?
Firstly, that many truths often arise that need sorting out. Improvement and accountability are a welcome and necessary part of how we develop.
And it doesn’t matter what it is you are sharing: survey results with staff, leading someone in line management, or having a tricky conversation about something that’s gone awry. Because if the truth is like a precious stone in our hand, we draw people in by showcasing the evidence / situation transparently, investing in them, and challenging the situation so that we can all improve, together.
Leadership isn’t all about having the answers; it is about how we handle the situation and truth of a situation in front of us.
When standards slip, or difficult conversations need to be had, or when teams need to change an approach, the instinct to hurl the stone is often there. It’s fast, can feel decisive, and it protects our own impatience to get things done, and to show how to get things done. But how often does hurling the stone create intrigue and commitment from those targeted by it?
Holding the stone takes restraint. It means we have to slow down, root our feedback in objective evidence, and care enough about the person or team to walk the path with them. It means giving them a chance to evaluate with us, and find a way together.
Lots of things can go wrong in schools, and lots of factors can make or break a successful school culture. But we don’t move forward by throwing hard truths at tired people. We lead them by opening our hands, inviting them to look closer, and building together.
Sam Crome 